I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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