Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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