I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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