I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
