Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My penis needs a shock collar
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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