whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
