if i can run in heels then i can drive
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
