there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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