I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
