I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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