some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
