i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
