also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
