Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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