well you can't waste a boner
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
