I'm really into asian looking animals
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
