i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
