The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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