I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
