im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize