Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
