The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
