i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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