It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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