everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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