i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
