Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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