but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
