Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
