Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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