he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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