this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
