i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
