I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
