i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
