genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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