Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
