Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
