who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
