I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
