This is not my ceiling
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
