An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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