It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
