Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you traded sex for a burrito?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
