you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize