I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
