I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize