Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
