u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm like, not good at living.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
