John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
