I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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