How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
