why didn't you poke me back
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
