he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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