you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
