I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
