YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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