I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
