That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
