You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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