Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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