My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
