how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
And then he peed in my hair
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