we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
