Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
