My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
